Wha's Like us - Written by Tom Anderson Cairns

The average Englishman, in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume, a shabby raincoat, patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland. On route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland, arrives at the station and boards a train, the forerunner of which was a steam engine invented by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland. He then pours a cup of coffee from a thermos flask, the latter invented by Dewar, a Scotsman from Kincardine on Forth.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps by James Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.
During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Grahm Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick MacMillan, blacksmith of Dumfries Scotland.
He watches the news on his television, an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh Scotland, and hears an item about the US Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
He has by now been reminded too much about Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible only to find the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot, King James VI, who authorised its translation.
Now where can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
He could take a drink, but the Scots make the best in the world. He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captin Patrick of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escapes death, he might find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, which was discovered by Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an anaesthetic, which was discovered by James Young Simpson of Bathgate Scotland.
Out of the anaesthetic, he would find no comfort in learning he was as safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries Scotland.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask "Wha's like Us